Even celebrities like Tony Hawk are affected by lung cancer.
We often hear of the journey of lung cancer from the perspective of adult caregivers and patients themselves, but less attention has been given to the children of those who suffer with the disease -- especially teens. As a mother, I know how difficult it is to understand what is going through the mind of a teen as they go through normal day-to-day life. How about when a parent or a grandparent is diagnosed with cancer? I am extremely grateful that pro-skateboarder Tony Hawk was willing to share his thoughts and what he felt as a 17-year-old when his father was diagnosed with lung cancer.
Q: When your dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, did you feel people around you shared openly about what was happening?
A: Yes, but he [was] misdiagnosed for 6 months until [doctors] finally figured it out. By the time we knew, it was too late. We all knew the details of his illness by then.
Q: Did you want to know?
A: Absolutely, but only to a certain extent. I don't have the medical knowledge or research to suggest treatment, so I trusted the doctors' protocol.
Q: Did you ever feel left in the dark?
A: Yes, but only by my own device. I was traveling extensively during my father's final months and unable to closely monitor his progress. He wouldn't have had it any other way, though.
Q: Who was most helpful at that time?
A: My older sisters. They made themselves available to my parents in every way and helped to keep the rest of us updated when we weren't there.
Q: What would have made your journey less painful?
A: Not seeing my father wither away. It gave us a chance to say goodbye, but he was clearly in more and more pain everyday and he didn't want us to see him grow weaker.
Q: What would you recommend a parent with lung cancer do for their child?
A: Be strong and allow them to live their own lives as best they can. Spend as much time with them as possible without dominating their lifestyle.
Q: Other family members and friends?
A: Appreciate the support and prayers, and try to stay strong in their
presence.
Q: Did you ever sense there was a stigma about lung cancer? Like somehow those who develop lung cancer brought it on (for example by smoking)?
A: Definitely. It is still the first question strangers ask when I say my dad died of lung cancer: "Did he smoke?" Only when he was younger. There are too many other possible causes to list.
Q: In what way has your experience of watching your father deal with lung cancer influenced who you are now?
A: He showed me that you can still be a strong presence even when you are physically weak or battling insurmountable odds.
Q: Seeing what you have accomplished, your father must have been an awesome man. Is there anything you would like to share about him that our readers can remember him by?
A: When I had a heart-to-heart with him during his final days, I told him that I loved him and how much I appreciated his support through the years. He told he loved me too, but that I can't have his Bud Light (from a popular Budweiser commercial campaign at the time.)
Q: Do you have any thoughts/advice for those who long to follow in your footsteps?
A: Keep challenging yourself and only do it if you truly love it. It's not always fun, but it's always an adventure and you have to make the best of it.
A Note About Tony Hawk's Experience
Tony experienced the emotions many of us do when a loved one is diagnosed with lung cancer. As is too often the case, we wish the diagnosis could have been made sooner. He also witnessed the stigma of lung cancer -- the assumption that anyone who gets lung cancer got it from smoking too much.
What really stands out to me is the clear reminder that children have wants and needs that continue, even though their parent’s life as they know it comes to a halt. What awesome advice from a skateboarding legend: “…allow them to live their own lives as best they can.”
To extinguish any guilty feelings parents with cancer may foster, most children do learn to be happy again and enjoy life after a parent has been dealt the diagnosis of cancer.
Sources:
American Cancer Society. Helping Children When a Family Member Has Cancer: Dealing With A Parent's Terminal Illness. Updated 06/08/10. http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_6x_Children_with_Cancer_in_the_Family_Dealing_with_a_Parents_Terminal_Illness.asp
