If you smoke and have a family member with lung cancer, you have probably already felt some anxiety about your health. At the same time, your relative with lung cancer may be nagging you to quit, and you may feel judged by the rest of your family as well. Other than the best option -- quitting smoking -- what can you do to help maintain family unity at this time?
It may help to understand a little about the feelings your family member with lung cancer is experiencing. We are learning that lung cancer survivors experience considerable distress when a family member continues to smoke, and they tend to express that anxiety in one of two ways. "Preservers" often keep quiet even though they are concerned, finding it more comfortable to hold their tongue than risk the relationship. "Riskers" on the other hand, tend to nag and repeatedly confront you about smoking.
Neither of these approaches is very helpful in achieving your loved ones desire to have you quit, and both can create significant conflict.
Tips for Smokers Who Have a Family Member With Lung Cancer
If you smoke and have a family member with lung cancer, a few tips may help you avoid some family conflict at this time:- Acknowledge that your family is concerned – As noted above, it can be hard for some people struggling with lung cancer to broach the subject of your smoking for concern that it may harm your relationship. When they do express their concern, keep in mind that this may be a very difficult thing for them to do. Try to listen (the first time anyway) without interrupting or changing the subject.
- Be tolerant of a little nagging – Those who are living with lung cancer have the inside scoop on what treatment is like. Your relative does not want you to experience the rigors of surgery, chemotherapy, or radiation therapy as he has. Nagging may be their way of expressing how deeply they care. Keep in mind that treatments have side effects, and many of us feel more irritable when we are ill. Also, recognize that the nagging may go deeper, and have nothing to do with you. Your family member may be projecting his anger at his diagnosis of lung cancer or his anger at himself for smoking in the past onto you.
- Don’t smoke near your loved one with cancer – Smoking near your family member with cancer may not only be difficult for him emotionally, it could be harmful physically as well.
- Find ways to deal with stress – At the same time that your loved one is longing for you to quit, facing the diagnosis of lung cancer in a family member is stressful. Find ways to deal with stress in your life. Stress can make quitting more difficult.
- Do entertain quitting – I’ll only write it once so as not to nag, but smoking is the leading cause of lung cancer, as well as a significant risk factor for several other cancers and heart disease. Quitting smoking will make you healthier, and you are worth it. If you don’t feel that, find a good friend, a family member, even your loved one with cancer, and ask them to remind you of why the world is a better place with you in it.
Further Reading:
Sources:
Bottorff, J. et al. Continued family smoking after lung cancer diagnosis: the patient’s perspective. Oncology Nursing Forum. 2009. 36(3):E126-32.
McBride, C. et al. Distress and motivation for smoking cessation among lung cancer patients’ relatives who smoke. Journal of Cancer Education. 2003. 18(3):150-6.
Schilling, A. Recruiting cancer patients to participate in motivating their relatives to quit smoking. A Cancer control study of the Cancer and Leukemia Group B (CALGB 9072). Cancer. 1997. 79(1):152-60.
