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Readers Respond: How Are You Coping With Your Stage 4 Diagnosis?

Responses: 58

By , About.com Guide

Updated September 27, 2010

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given 6 months on 13th nov 2012

I lost 2 thirds of my tongue last year(june 11)to cancer and was told there was no spread as i had lymph nodes removed in my neck that were all clear-i got 30 radiotherapy sessions '2 make sure'.I was diagnosed this month with tumours in both lungs,tumours on my ribs and holesin my ribs.I've been told when i get sicker they'll try chemo as it might buy me more time.I'm in what I think a fair amount of pain daily and take morphine etc.All you can do is live for every day-it's a guesstimate as to how long anyone'll live-I'm a fighter-I proved that to myself last year and have no intention of just staying in bed and hoping it comes quickly-I'm 41 years old with 2 pregnant daughters and 2 baby grandsons-i have a loyal,loving family looking after me-a husband who's the love of my life and a severely disabled 18 year old son who needs me-i intend to spend time with every one-let them look after me and enjoy however long I have left.God Bless everyone of you-patients and families xxx
—Guest susan from scotland

Son

My dad has stage 4 cancer. He is 82. Never been sick in his life. He quit smoking about 20 years ago. Cancer has spread. A lump formed on his head which the doctors say is from the lung cancer. The lump was visible about 4 months ago but his doctor did not seem to concerned. (for other reasons I don't think she should practice). Dads older brother passed from cancer at 79, younger brother had prostate cancer and now has bone cancer at 80. Doesn't seem possible. WHY all 3? And there is a younger sister. Editor's note: Sadly, cancer is too common. One in three women and one in two men are expected to develop cancer in their lifetime. And as you know, the heartache for patients and family alike is tremendous.
—Guest ross shaw

Why this Why now Why her....

Its Oct.2012.My mom was diagnosed about 3 weeks ago.I have so many emotions going on in my mind. I can admit she was not always the best mom, but during my teenage years I really did bond with her.I hold on to the good memories and still cant let go of the bad ones. But since this has happened finding out ur 56 year old mother has stage 4 lung cancer. Doctors say she has 4-6 weeks to live. Im now here staying at my brothers house helping with her while she is on hospice. She is fighting. Let me tell you she stoped using the wheel chair and determended to help out,but she loses control of her mind since the cancer is spreading to her brain.So i suggest to anyone in this situation to express any feeling you have for someone with cancer, so that u will have no regrets. I must go back home with my children so I just pray that she in not in pain and gos in peace. Im very thankful iv had my mom for 28 years and that she got to bond with all 3 of my children. Ill always love my mom
—Guest kryastall haskell

Dont know what to say or feel

My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in Jan. She had undergone radiation for her brain and pelvic area and taken oral meds until it stopped working about 2 months ago. She started rounds of chemo until they told her last month that they were taking her off because she was in no condition to handle. Now she has nothing fighting it. She can barely move, says things that dont make sense and has lost alot of memory. I saw her today and cant believe how much she has deteriorated since I saw her a few weeks ago. She told me she fell in the house and hit her head. She goes for a scan tomorrow to see if she did any damage to her brain. I cant put into words how it felt to see her like this. I will continue to pray for her and be there for her as much as time allows. She is unable to take care of or think for herself at this point. This disease is so terrible. I am agonizing over her suffering.
—Guest Monique

Stage IV

My brave mother was diagnosed with stage 3b lung cancer in the ER on Mothers Day 2011. Two previous doctors had dx her with pneumonia. She was a smoker until her diagnosis. She was discharged 16 days later with a tube in her lung and a new diagnosis of stage 4, that had migrated to her brain and bones. I told her I would never leave her side, and I kept it. 10 treatments of radiation got rid of the brain lesions but also her hair and her focus. She could no longer read, sign her name, or understand things. Chemotherapy worsened this and she became very anxious and disoriented after treatments. I had to begin making her care decisions as she was seen unfit to. I had to make the agonizing decision to discontinue and put her on hospice. Til the end I never let her believe she couldn't get better. On October 29, 2011 only 5 months after her diagnosis she passed away at home in my arms. She is always eternally young and beautiful.
—Guest Antoinette

dont push me away

I love this man very dearly he was diagnosed with lung cancer and pushed me away..thru sickness and health I still feel the same ,i'd take care of u if you had no hands no legs
—Guest teresa cook

My inspiration

2 days after her 39th birthday my daughter was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread to her brain. She confidently attended 12 full brain radiation treatments. Being someone who doesn't follow tradition, as soon as she finished her first treatment she decided to give herself the pink mohawk she had always wanted. By the last treatment there wasn't a hint of pink hair left. The three brain lesions had shrunk. Next step was 12 weeks of chemo for the lesion on the exterior of her Esophagus. Through every treatment she Set an example for everyone to follow. She remained confident and determined she was going to beat this. Chemo did nothing to diminish the lesion on her esophagus and small lesions in her lungs. So onto more chest radiation. After 12 weeks of chest radiation, she was not able to eat for over a month due to her burnt esophagus. It's been16 months and she is losing her courageous battle. Hospice has been assigned and we pray for the dignified passing she has earned.
—Guest Heathers mom

I just am.......

We were diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer Sept.10, 2012 at the emergency room. I say we (my mom and I), because we discussed in the biopsy stage that we would walk this journey hand in hand until the end. I promised her that if she ever became too weak to walk; I would carry her. I think about the (End) daily, for I know that healing is coming. I just don't know if it will be on this side or in heaven. I watch in amazement everyday as my mom fight this Goliath size battle. As she battles the inside; willing her body/ mind to continue battling. I fight on the outside advocating and increasing my knowledge base on her disease to ensure that she is provided the best medical treatment. I truly believe that my mother is living with stage IV lung cancer and not dying with it. I once read that, “life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it”. I am the tower of strength in her presence and around other family members, but when I am by myself… I JUST AM.
—Guest daughter1

Hoping to Have Time

I am a never-smoker and have been doing regular exercise and eating a lot of vegetables and fruits for more than 30 years. Yet I was diagnosed state 4 lung cancer on 28th June 2012. I felt so unfair! However I am taking target therapy and doing exercise, while trying to work almost full-time. At the moment I am OK but I don't know how long I can go on, as I still have two books that I want to complete as an academic.
—Guest Tracey

Mom with Stage 4 Lung Cancer

My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 Lung Cancer in May 2010. She is still alive and with us today. Her story is a bit different. She quit smoking in 1989. In 2006 a chest xray taken for another surgery showed a spot on her lung. Testing and follow up indicated it was nothing. 6 month check ups and additional testing through the years found nothing. Her neck began to hurt in the spring of 2010. Yup, lung cancer that spread. Surgery in June 2010 and Chemo and Radiation followed. Only once after that inital treatment did she need another treatment. She continues to live a quality life. At the age of 73 she still works part time. She has slowed down and can't do as much as she used to, but she she is also getting older. Just another twist to the story.... her twin sister was diagnosed in 2000 with stage 3 Lung Cancer. She lived until 2011. She had quit smoking in 1995. There has got to be a genetic link! Editor's note: I am so happy to hear that your mother is feeling well, and that your aunt lived so many years with stage 3 lung cancer. Yes, there is a genetic link to lung cancer. Having a first-degree relative, such as a sibling, with lung cancer roughly doubles the risk, and the risk is greater for women than it is for men.
—wgate

No Symptoms

went for a med exam in mar. 2012.found malig. melanoma,stage 1V lung cancer,maybe rectal cancer too. 57 yrs.old, never felt anything.chemo brain keeping me from working. just adopted my grandchildren shortly before all this happened.does god have a sense of humor? I believe the GOOD LORD took a liking to me. Editor's note: Unfortunately, a diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer in someone who has not had symptoms is not uncommon. Roughly half of people are already at stage 4 of the disease when it is diagnosed. The shock you are experiencing must be tremendous, and it does seem so totally unfair. If cancer only happened to people who were cruel and vindictive that would be one thing. But it happens to everyone and anyone. I wish I understood why bad things happen to good people.
—Guest gary

Super Mom

On August 25, 2012 my mom was admitted to the hospital. Dad insisted I call the Paramedics because mom was unresponsive. While in the ER the doctor confirmed mom was terminal. August 29, 2012 mom was discharged to her home with hospice. She was so happy to be in her home. Her face lit up. I was given a crash course in skilled nursing. Mom was in pain, extreme pain. Morphine was administered every 4 hours. Mom deteriorated rapidly from the 29 to the 4th of September. She went from barely eating to nothing at all. September 2 she slipped into a coma. On September 5, 2012 my mom passed away. My dad and all 5 of her grown children were there. She went peacefully. Twenty minutes before she passed I told her she could go. That we were all there and that we would take care of dad. September 11, we held her services. Everyday I wake up and remind myself she is gone. I miss her so much. Dad is completely lost. My Super Mom and his Super Wife is pain free and with God.
—Guest IMV

Super Mom

My 71 year old mom was diagnosed with Lung Cancer on dads birthday July 6, 2012. She smoked for 40+ years. July 17 she fell in the restroom and broke her femur. She was admitted into the hospital. She was septic. An Orthopedic Dr. removed infection in the knee and put an external fixator to keep the broken femur in place. He ran tests of the infection and it was positive for Lung Cancer. It went to the bone. It was a Pathological fracture. Radiation doctor didnt want to do radiation because she has an external fixator. Wednesday August 22, 2012 mom was denied chemotherapy because she was too weak. Mom just wants to sleep and refuses to eat. She barely drinks water. She is taking Vicodine for the fracture. My sister believes the Vicodine is the reason she dont want to eat and is causing the extreme fatigue. Dad & sister are very optimistic. They believe radiation will prolong her life. I believe mom is beginning her journey to heaven. Mom is in God's hands now.
—Guest IMV

Waiting with Baited Breath

My 53 y/o husband was diagnosed with stage 4 Lung Cancer in Jan 2012. In Dec 2011 he was complaining of visual problems, but nothing more. Given his hx of having diabetes, he felt the vision problems were related to this. Jan 12, 2012 his eye doctor told him that his eyes were fine but his brain was not. He had a 5mmX7mm tumor and fluid on his brain. It was removed 16 Jan 2012. He was diagnosed with cancer while still in the hospital. It is now July, he has completed all of his chemo, and radiation treatments. We are just waiting for his PET/CT results to find out if there has been any improvements. I will continue to support him in whatever decision he makes concerning this devistating disease.
—Guest Mrs. F

maciruth

My brother aged 55 was diagnosed on June 2011 with Stage IV lung CA. His treatments began in Aug. So far he has done really well. He has been in chemo since. 3 weeks ago 5 spots were found on his brain. He underwent rad therapy for 10 days, which zapped his energy beyond belief ( 6'4 280lbs) He was so weak Saturday he couldnt stand. By Monday he seemed to regain his strength. Began eating good again and went to work on Tuesday. Yes there is a GOD!
—Guest guest lena

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